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True Lies

I was a bit confused by all the Prince Charles rumor denials, but Neil Gaiman is right there to clear things for us:

a) the goat was not, in fact, Spanish, but Portuguese, and is currently living safely in a wildlife preserve in East Molesey.

b) The Tango is a dance made famous in Argentina. "Erotic licking" plays no part in the Tango. Neither, of course, do balloons.

c) only a lunatic would apply shoe-polish to a weasel.

d) if the alleged incidents had in fact occurred in broad daylight during a car-boot sale in Harrow then there would be photographs, and quite possibly a plaster cast.

e) by now the "Use by" stamps on the yoghurt would have expired, indicating it as unfit for human consumption.

I would also like to add that any rumors suggesting my involvement are ludicrous, and midgets? Please. They were clearly dwarves.

I think this can help clear up this nascent trend of pre-denying for politicians. The first thing a candidate should do when running for office is to deny all of the rumors about some scandalous incident. If people don't know what you're referring to even better, but if it somehow the unnamed allegation you were deny gets out, and people start saying, for example, that you are a grope-monkey, you have to proceed to step 2, which is to combine your denial with an apology. Here's a pretty good example:

"I know that the people of California can see through this trash politics. Let me tell you something, let me tell you something. A lot of those that you see in the stories is not true, but at the same time, I have to tell you that I always say, that wherever there is smoke, there is fire. That is true. So I want to say to you, yes, that I have behaved badly sometimes. Yes, it is true that I was on rowdy movie sets and I have done things that were not right which I thought then was playful but now I recognize that I have offended people. And to those people that I have offended, I want to say to them I am deeply sorry about that and I apologize because this is not what I'm trying to do." (link)

This was a pretty good denial, though he left a loophole by saying "a lot of those...is not true." He would do even better to give an flat out denial. Then you would have a beautiful catch: Those that accuse you are liars guilty of trash politics. Only those who haven't accused you are telling the truth, and to them you apologize.

"There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to."

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This page contains a single entry from kwc blog posted on November 7, 2003 3:47 PM.

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