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Comic-Con: Bruce Campbell

The Bruce Campbell panel at Comic-Con was hilarious. I transcribed some quotes that I've included here, but rather than make some coherent sense out of them I'll point you too the full mp3 audio of the panel as well as multiple summaries on IGN and a summary from Sign on San Diego.

I highly recommend the audio, if you can stand the recording quality. Campbell's panel is the only one in three years I've seen that had the audience laughing from start to finish, a feat he accomplished while tempting the worst possible fate: the Q&A session. Usually, the Q&A session signals the end of all quality commentary in a panel. A single bad question (i.e. the first) begins the exodus from the auditorium as people seek out their next session. A novice panelist (e.g. Natalie Portman) will usually try to answer the dumb question and will take far too much time giving a politically correct non-answer to the question.

Campbell, with the confidence he demonstrated throughout the panel, began his Q&A session almost immediately, briefly taking the time to do some short demo clips. With all of Campbell's career to draw from, I would have expected the idiotic questions to overwhelm even a skilled speaker, but Campbell showed that a well-timed and tersely delivered insult makes even the worst -- especially the worst -- questions entertaining and keeps the flow of the Q&A moving.

Here are some samples of answering dumb questions the Bruce Campbell way:

"Is *Alien Apocalypse coming out on DVD? Why, because it was that good? Are you just being a smartass?"

Will you do another TV show?
BC: "Why? Because my first two TV shows went so well?"

Q: Brisco County Junior DVD set
A: Counting to 10 on his fingers "I am an actor they don't tell me shit"
later on
Q: Jack of All Trades DVD set
A: "Why, because it was so successful?" mutters, "I am an actor they don't tell me shit"

Q: When is How to Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way coming out in paperback
A: "Buy the hardcover. Don't be a cheap bastard. How much did you pay to get in here? You bought all seven versions of Army of Darkness didn't ya?"

There are some quotations Bruce Campbell's insulting and non-insulting comments in the extended, though bravado and timing cannot be conveyed in a transcription, so I recommend listening to the mp3 if you have the time.

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Bruce Campbell-2-2

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Describing the difference between videogame scripts and movie scripts
BC: "We have to record things that will allow for stupid behavior... If you go to a window and click on it, click, click, click, eventually my voice will come up and say 'There's nothing there'"

Raimi vs. Campbell
BC: "He would be driving his car so he would win."

Q: Boxers or Briefs
A: "Meet me in the parking lot and I'll show you"

Someone in the audience shouts: "I love you!"
"You're beautiful... now shut up"

Q: "When you make love the Bruce Campbell way do they scream, 'Hail to the King!'"
A: "You sir, are a moron"

"There are several things that look good on paper that later turn out to suck... Like Congo"

Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash: "There would be no way Ash could be in that unless he could kill both of their doughy asses... It's a bad idea"

BC: "The MPAA could kiss my ass so hard it would come out the other side" (BC had been discussing the difficulties in getting a good rating for Army of Darkness in comparison to Goodfellas, which features Pesci stabbing a guy multiple times in the chest at the beginning)

Someone asked about Campbell's threat to destory The Classic (Sam Raimi's car that's in every one of his movies)
BC: "It's now being held in an undisclosed location with Dick Cheney..."
Explaining his incredulity with the car: "It was in Quick and the Dead, which was a Western."

BC: "Will I be in Spiderman 3? Well, lets do a quick recap:"

  • First movie: Named Spiderman
  • "In the second one, I believe I was the only character who ever defeated Spider-Man"
  • Third movie: "I'm sure I'll annoy Spider-Man in some way"

Favorite movie: Bridge on the River Kwai. "William Holden who can kick Ben Affleck's ass any day of the week."

Evil Dead 4 or Phantasms: "I'm only hesistating because I've never heard that question before... You'll have to convince Sam Raimi not to make Spider-Man 3 (Raimi: A billion $$$ or $100)"

"Creative decisions are based on economic realities"

On Aston Kutcher: "Wouldn't you like to see him raped by a tree?" (Kutcher is rumored to be playing Ash in ED remake)

BC had to rewrite his latest movie to be in Bulgaria due to cost reasons: "I particularly enjoyed the packs of wild dogs that roam the streets."


"The Bulgarian Surprise": (too long for me to get a translation, so adapting from here)

I needed to wreck a Vespa. So I�d went to the transportation department and told them �I need a Vespa.� And they�d go, "Da." "And I can wreck this Vespa?" "Da." So a week goes by. �How�s the Vespa coming?� "Okay." "You have it yet?" "No." "But you�re gonna get one, right?" "Of course." "And I can wreck it, right?" "Of course." A week goes by. "How�s the Vespa?" "Got the Vespa." Campbell gets them to show him a picture of the Vespa. "Now I can paint it pink and put little girl�s tassels on it, right?� "Of course." So I come out on the set, and there�s a crew filming a shot of the Vespa being wrecked. And I look over at my translator, and she�s crying her eyes out. So I said to the assistant director, "Why is she crying her eyes out?" And he goes, "Oh, that�s her Vespa." Her father had just given it to her for her birthday. So I asked the translator, "Translate the word 'motherfucker'"


Campbell's longest rant was in response to "his most frustrating experience with Hollywood:." It was a bit too long to transcribe, but here's the gist:

"People make fun of B movies all the time. Every movie is now a B movie... If you get bit by a radioactive spider it is a B movie.... If you put on a cape and dress up like a bat it is a B movie... If aliens invade the earth in War of the Worlds...

  • War of the Worlds: Not an original idea
  • Dukes of Hazzard
  • Batman Begins again and again and again
  • Herbie: They've done so many I've done a Herbie the Love Bug
  • Bewitched
  • Longest Yard
  • House of Wax
  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Gene Wilder was funny. Johnny Depp is weird folks.

"The are creatively bankrupt... I urge you not to support the same horseshit you're getting out of Hollywood... Except for Sky High"

Comments (2)

meta:

Bruce Campbell is a pretty good speaker. He talked at Stanford one halloween and someone asked him what the evil looked like in Evil Dead (since you never get to see it but much of it is filmed from the pov of the evil). BC goes: "It looks a lot like a fat sweaty guy holding a camera."

Bakerylady045:

We will neverfoget Bruce in his role in the Herbie the Love Bug remake ...He was great!

Please check out a new fan site exclusively devoted to Bruce and Herbie the Love Bug!
Discuss those great Herbie the Love Bug movies. This is the place to share your Herbie Movie information!

Click on www.lovebugcentral.com and take a drive around our site.

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