Beat the Clock 2008

You may have noticed some Beat the Clock time trial photo sets make there way through here. Here is the 2008 announcement -- please note the auctions, which support the Lance Armstrong Foundation (along with the events themselves):

Beat the Clock 2008 kicks off with a blast on February 10th, and an auction NOW:

We regret to inform you that Beat the Clock and Help Beat Cancer 2008 has also been affected by the writers' strike. PR manager CFB's brain went on strike, resulting in belated announcements. However, Patty van Baenen came back from retirement to fill in for our striking Beat the Clock PR writer, answering all pertinent questions. Read on...

Dear Patty,

I have recently been invited by a very good friend to attend a charity event. This event is hosted by Beat the Clock and Help Beat Cancer, all proceeds go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation benefitting cancer patients. The problem is that this event is a Mini-Marathon, involving all sorts of grueling workouts like spinning, core and strength training and stretching. The most athletic activity I'm involved in right now is bending down to pick up my knitting needle when I drop it. If I don't attend, my friend will never talk to me again and I will not hear any of the interesting gossip she always knows about. If I do attend everybody will see that my body looks like an oversized Tootsie Roll in Nike pajamas. Please help, the event is very soon, on February 10th.

Desparate in the Bay Area

Dear Knitting Cupcake,

You better shape up now, before it's too late. But you don't have to break a sweat, you can donate online. Just tell your friend you gave charitably but can't make it on February 10th because your Albino Chihuahua already has an appointment for Aleaslim Cellulite Treatment.

Dear Patty,

I have been looking forward to the Tour of California all 22 days of the year, and have trained thousands of miles indoors in anticipation during the frozen icy winters of Massachusetts. However, as a category 0 racer I have not been able to secure a contract by a Tour team. I am devastated. Is there any way I can still participate?

Overtrained in Boston

Dear NorthEastern Cycling Hamster,

it may not be too late for this year's Tour of California, there is still time with some performance enhancing help. I suggest a regimen of EPI infusions (editor's note: Extra Pints of Ice-cream) along with a concurrent prescription of Versus, which should however be administered by a professional in order to avoid detection by Weight Watchers. Alternatively, Beat the Clock just put a ThresholdPower training camp up for auction, in Solvang during the time of the Tour. Train like a pro, watch the pros live, and maybe next year you'll be able to race in a pro team. Bid NOW!

Thanks for reading, the Beat the Clock team

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